Testimony

I am back from Passion-Ignite church camp.

I didnt know where to start. But from my post Untold Stories, that probably showed that i was spiritually malnourished, i was not joyful within. I felt like i was walking in wilderness. For few seconds of life, i felt life isn't that very fair to me. I lost touch of God. I love my family. I couldn't share with family because they have more than enough burdens to worry about. I couldn't share with my sis because she is already sharing a big portion of family burden. It breaks my heart when i think of my family. Though my frens are around, none that i can or i choosed to share with. Though there are people around me, i actually felt i'm alone. This battle is mine.

Little that i know, God has actually started to prepare my heart for the camp. Tracking down my posts, i realized God's plan is so wonderfully drafted and carried out. Few days ago, I learnt that "He is right". No matter what happen or how unfair life may seem to me, HE IS ALWAYS RIGHT. It is impossible for God to be wrong. This lesson humbled myself to acknowledge His authority over me. He is my Master.

I was reluctant to come to camp, because i was not joyful within. I guess i wouldn't be able to enjoy felowship as much as the rest of the people. Everyone elses is happy but i am not. And when they laugh and i couldnt, then i gotta somehow smile a little and tat might even distort the whole cheerful atmosphere. It just felt hard to be in a fellowship.
But on sunday, just the day before the camp, God touched me through the song "Indescribable". My tears just flowed down as i sang this verse - Indescribable, uncontainable,You placed the stars in the sky and You know them by name.You are amazing God, You are amazing God.
I mean, we can know a lot of God's character that He loves me, He cares for me, He has plan to prosper me and not to harm me, He is this and He is that. they are all knowledge of God.
But for one moment, the moment when God touched my heart, it alone makes all the difference, the experience of God itselft speaks louder than any promises told. I sense Joy again in my life. That was Sunday. Then i was more reasured that i should go to camp. I made the payment for camp.

I thank God, God is starting to do something in me.

I went to camp, and i can't believe myself that i was actually able to have fellowship with people in camp. I was able to smile and enjoy myself during the first day. On the second day (which was yesterday night), guest speaker Ps.Josh Moyo was speaking. He was talking about "Do not miss the moment". I knew, i missed a lot of experiences and blessings because of the situation that i am dwelling in. I do not want to miss out anymore moment. I want to be in the moment itself.
Another sentence that struck me was " to appreciate my past". though in my case, it is not yet a past, i should appreciate my current situation. I always thank God for loving me. But now, i want to thank God for the situation that He is putting me into, because it is meant for bigger things in the future. I appreciate my life.

I was also being reasured that God's work in me is not yet finished. His work in me did not stop when i was burdened with tough times. Neither did His work stop at the camp. He is always at work in me and i know His works are good.

During the session, i cried because i was broken inside. I was waiting for the "phone call" from God. Then my cellgroup leader,Fenny, prayed for me. She told me that she sensed God deliberately took aways all my sources away from me so that i can really cling to Him alone.
It then strucked me that when i stil have people around me to share things with, then i shared less of my life with God. But now when all sources are withdrawn from me, God wants me to learn to share 100% of my life with Him. His desire is all of me and not part of me. God's phone call has finally rang.

I am really glad Fenny made it to the camp yesterday night. I really appreciate her being there to comfort and support me in prayer.

The time for MegaPraise came. I walked in with teary red eyes. I stood at the back of hall yet my heart wanted so much to touch God once again. I longed to be refreshed and restored in Him.
It has been months since i last jump to praise God, as if heavy stones were tied to my feet that i just did not have enough strength to be excited for God, i was kept captive.
But through the MegaPraise session, God miraculously set me free. From the very first song to the very last song, i jumped and danced all the way through. It was so easy for me to jump, as if effortless. Instead of stones being tied to my feet, i felt my feet are like spring, it was all purely delight. I raised my hands straight up but as if my hands aren't long enough, i wish it could be much more longer i wanted to touch heaven. I knew for sure, it wasn't only a physical breakthrough. God has lifted my burdens. He has carried them for me that very night i seek Him desperately in prayer and tears.

This camp has come to an end. But to me, it is just the start of God's work in me. I know the situation that i am in now will not resolve anytime soon, but i know He has restored my joy and my strength, He is with me and He is always sharing my life with me. When everything else in the world fail, He will remain faithful and merciful.

Praise God for He has done good things in me.
I love You, Lord.

Signing off,
Cheah Yen